Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Guilt

I want a do over. Badly.

We returned home from Hilton Head Sunday night and I was tired. My body ached all over. I didn't want to put any kids to bed and wanted to just take a bath. I was so exhausted. Monday came and Damon has to be at school but the kids had the day off. Lizzy was so whiny and Jack missed me so he was literally hooked to my leg the entire day. Emily was with her Nana and Papa, so I had some relief. Damon had football practice after school and didn't get home until 7:30.

Scroll back the time to 4:00 when Emily comes home. Jack is excited to see her and the entire house gets LOUD. Lizzy is still whiny and cries when you leave the room. Emily still has weekend homework to complete, kids need dinner, house is still a mess, and Jack has just asked for the millionth time today to play video games. I lost it. Everyone got their feelings hurt and I feel bad. At this point, I need something to settle me down. Then.....Damon walks through the door. Ahhhhhhh.......as he looks on the stove at the dinner I made he says, "I think I'm going out with the guys to watch Monday night football." BREATHE LISA, BREATHE!!!  I think I blacked out at this point.

I have been thinking about Monday evening all day yesterday and today. I feel so bad. I want to rewind time and handle it differently. I want to hold Lizzy while she was whining and crying instead of saying "work it out" or "c'mon Lizzy".  I wish I would have held my tongue and spoke more gently to Emily and Jack. But I can't and it hurts.

Do you ever feel like you are on this merry go round waiting for the ride to stop.....and it just doesn't? I'm waiting for it to just slow down for a bit. I KNOW that my life would be busier if Lizzy was a normal 12 year old. Surprise blessings! Love those.

I am thankful that I get to wake up and have another day to make it right. Will Emily and Jack remember that on Columbus Day 2011, I turned into Roseanne Barr? Probably not and I am thankful for that!

Six treatments. I wish she could do more every month but it is just too hard with scheduling. She went by herself on Sunday and did fine.



A cool and rainy afternoon ride home but Lizzy loved it.


One of her favorites. Has to have it right up to her face:-)


Have a great night.
God bless.

1 comment:

Amna Khan said...
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