Monday, February 27, 2012

My Miracle

I am not sure where the last month went but here I am in complete awe and amazement of how God has worked in the last month. Every time I talk about it my heart starts to race.

In my last post, I was writing about my desires to have Lizzy completely healed. I know that God can do this, but is this his plan? I often thought that God gave Lizzy to us as she is for a purpose. Lizzy is NOT, and anyone born with a disability, a result of bad karma. I have heard this a few times and has made me sad that people think this.

Anyone that has children needs a break from time to time. My mother in law usually takes Lizzy for me and gives me a full day of relief. I mean, I get to sleep in, enjoy time with Em and Jack, and be diaper free!! I need my breaks.  I  get time to re-cooperate. I think it makes me a better mom. I also take an anti anxiety/depressant to help me cope.

So this last month, I have been praying diligently for a miracle in Lizzy. Praying for healing in her brain, bones, joints, etc. Praying was the easy part. It was the waiting for something BIG to happen that was the hard part. Something big did happen and I didn't even realize it until last week.

Something strange, amazing, wonderful began to happen IN ME. I was more tolerant of Lizzy. I snuggled her more. Her dirty diapers weren't bothering me as much. Her wet bed didn't seem a burden for me anymore. Lifting her from the tub seemed easier. A whole month went by without a break from Lizzy......

......and I hadn't even realized it. Something happened in me. God granted me more compassion......more tolerance......more love for Lizzy. I had become somewhat irritated with Lizzy's life. I wanted her healing.........for me? I must have subconsciously wanted MY life to be easier. I can't believe this. As I write this, I am realizing what has happened while I would pray for my sweet Lizzy. For example,  I would pray that she would talk (her grunting and loud squealing would make my blood pressure go through the roof) and he gave me more compassion for her. I literally talk to her more when she grunts and screams as if we are conversing. This is crazy......NO,  this is crazy......

.....I ran out of my anxiety medicine......A MONTH AGO.

I will pray for you Lizzy. I will pray with a selfless heart.

God bless.

My favorite verse....John 11:40

Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"


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