Thursday, May 24, 2012

When Life Changes

My life changed......in 1999. I had just finished my student teaching and was offered a position teaching 4th grade. My husband and I were looking to buy our first house and life seemed to be rolling along perfectly. I was just a few months pregnant and thought life couldn't get any better than this. We had so much to look forward to. 

So why did my life have to change? Why did I feel like God was saying it was time to stop trusing people? Time to start feeling like we lost something. Was this his plan? For me to be so angry? Why couldn't she just have been delivered earlier? Why? How could this possibly enrich our lives? 

There are no words other than "I just can't believe it" that come from your mouth when your life changes. You become numb to everything and you walk around in a fog. There are several life changing occurences that make you feel this way.  Here are a few:
  • losing a job
  • a death
  • divorce
Mine was a death of what I had hope to have in a child. My daughter was not going to be a normal girl, lady, or woman. I have grieved many things for Lizzy. Her first crush, graduation, wedding, grandbabies, and right down to her seeing my face. Why do we have to endure so much heartache during the holidays and on her birthday?

I understand that a baby changes your life anyway, but having a child with disabilities is a bit more complicated. Therapies, equipment, specialists, medications, etc. This was not the little family unit that I envisioned when I went into the hospital to have her.

But God has been faithful. He has walked with us through the hurt. Sometimes, it felt like it was too much to bear. He has constantly shown to be faithful in his promises. His promise of never leaving us. God loves me and I feel his love and his presence more when I am holding Lizzy.

Here are the lyrics to Britt Nicole's song "The Sun Is Rising". When you feel like your life has changed and God has deserted you, read these words. You can find the song  here.

When life has cut too deep and left you hurting
The future you had hoped for is now burning
And the dreams you held so tight lost their meaning
And you don't if you'll ever find the healing

You're gonna make it
You're gonna make it
And the night can only last for so long

Whatever you're facing
If your heart is breaking
There's a promise for the ones who just hold on
Lift up your eyes and see
The sun is rising

The sun is rising

Every high and every low you're gonna go through
You don't have to be afraid I am with you
In the moments you're so weak you feel like stopping
Let the hope you have light the road you're walking

You're gonna make it
You're gonna make it
The night can only last for so long

Whatever you're facing
If your heart is breaking
There's a promise for the ones who just hold on
Lift up your eyes and see
The sun is rising

Even when you can't imagine how
How you're ever gonna find your way out
Even when you're drowning in your doubt
Just look beyond the clouds

Just look beyond the clouds

Whatever you're facing
If your heart is breaking
There's a promise for the ones who just hold on
Lift up your eyes and see
The sun is rising

The sun is rising

Even when you can't imagine how
How you're ever gonna find your way out
Even when you're drowning in your doubt
Just look beyond the clouds

Amazing, right. Just look beyond the clouds.


Lizzy has been doing well. She will be upset when she realizes that summer vacation starts next Friday. But....today she is happy. 


God Bless!




*AJBT I love you* There is a promise for those that hold on:-)

2 comments:

TeamHodgins said...

You are amazing cuz. I can't even begin to fathom that pain and trials that you have endured. I will never understand why God allows things like disabilities but I guess its not for me to know. I do know that I pray God continues to bless you abundantly - emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially as you are so deserving. And I continue to pray for perfect healing for Lizzy - and Gods perfect will in all of your lives. Love you girl.

Arthur and Jolie said...

Thanks for posting this Lisa...love you
Arthur

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