A Heavy Heart

You know how you have "hi's and low's" of your life? Well, I have been struggling with the low's of this life. As a parent of a child with disabilities, you go through waves of mild to severe depression. I have been struggling with this for years.  Lizzy is a beautiful girl and I am so thankful for her. But. Yes, there is a but. She is not going anywhere. We built our home to accommodate her here for the rest of her life.  Sigh. I have connected with a family that has three grown daughters. Their oldest is 31 and has CP. A severe case. Her name is Betsy. Cheryl (the mom) and I have been emailing each other for a couple of months mainly with my questions about how her life is now. She and her husband take care of Betsy. Well, he also works outside the home. They don't EVER get away. Ever. Who would take care of Betsy that would be willing to be with her 24/7 for a few nights? That will be Damon and I in 15 years. Our life will be.....Lizzy. It isn't something I am smiling about. It's something that I have become depressed about. Let's just be honest here. Anyone wanting to take care of a handicapped child when they are older.....raise your hand! Even a child that is completely normal.....anyone? Children are meant to leave their parents. And he said, 'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.'  Matthew 19:5 (NIV)

I feel like I have been given this gift of seeing what is coming for us. God has placed Cheryl in my life for a specific reason. It is possible to care for your child until our Heavenly father decides it's time. I get a little excited to type those words....it's time. Those words mean so much to me. When "it's time" for Lizzy......she will see. She will walk. She will speak!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I have taken no photos of Lizzy this week and I feel bad about that. My doctor has decided that it was time she prescribe me an anti-anxiety medication. She says "Lisa, you have done this for years without medication, its okay." I feel defeated. 

Cerebral Palsy doesn't just affect the person, it affects the whole community that person is in. I am so thankful for Cheryl. I can't wait until we meet. I have a hug for you that may linger for sometime! God bless YOU Cheryl! 

Sorry for the lapse in posts. Life has been happening!
God bless.
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debbi@yankeeburrowcreations said…
I feel for you, and I'll be praying for you.
Debbi
October 22, 2011 at 2:07 PM
Unknown said…
I can't say that I know exactly what you are feeling. However, I can empathize. Even though I am out on my own and do exceptionally well, I still need care. I know that letting go was not easy for my Mom or Dad, still probably isn't. I know they worry about me more than they do my sister who has no problems. It's hard for me to understand why they worry so much, but you kinda brought that to light for me. Thank you. I know we've not met, but I know we've connected. I'll be praying for you. Love you!
October 22, 2011 at 2:13 PM
Unknown said…
I love ya girl!!! And I'm praying for you! It definitely is a struggle to live in today but when I go to the future....oiy, I'm definitely heading to a place that God hasn't yet given me the grace to venture into. This can be such a lonely journey. We definitely need to get our schedules arranged for a joint venture soon.

I love you beautiful Momma!!!

Anita
October 22, 2011 at 3:46 PM
betsy baker said…
So thankful that we can depend on God to give us what we need for each day. I have learned to try and live more in just each day - I still struggle with being anxious about the future as well, though for different reasons than you. When Pete and I retire in just a few years and return home, will you train me to care for Lizzy and let you and Damon take a vacation? It would be a small way to thank you for the spiritual father figure that Damon was to Betsy in high school. I'll always be grateful.
October 22, 2011 at 7:48 PM
betsy baker said…
Yikes, Lisa - it's Wendy above - I'm on Betsy's old computer and somehow it automatically commented under her name, and I can't figure out how to change it!!
October 22, 2011 at 7:49 PM
Tammy said…
Lisa you are a very special woman. You have kept up this pace for SO long. There is no shame in getting, asking, admitting you need help. You remain in my prayers.
October 22, 2011 at 10:51 PM
TJ Weeden said…
Sweet friend....praying for you....
So thankful that God placed people in your life that can encourage you and be there for you. I know a heavy heart...not for the same reasons, but when it is heavy, it is hard. It reminds me of a sopping wet towel. It’s not fluffy anymore...like when it comes out of the dryer. It is heavy, and wet, and cold....seemingly no hope for it to ever be fluffy enough to wrap up in again. BUT....I know, I know, I know, it WILL be fluffy again...
So, when my heart is heavy...I wait....I wait.....I wait....
And when it’s warm and fuzzy again, I try to enjoy every minute of it, cuz I know, I know, I know, it WILL be heavy again....
Until then, let’s mourn with our friends who mourn, and rejoice when our friends rejoice.
Lifting you up Lisa...
TJ
October 24, 2011 at 9:40 AM
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